I am the accidental funny. Why can’t I just spew funniness with my wit?
I have funny friends. Why do they think I’m funny, I don’t know. I feel like a wallflower when I stand next to them.
Being funny would make improv and comedy so much more fun.
I have been making some buddhist determinations and I was chanting for a long time why it’s my mission to act.
Acting can suck sometimes… You deal with some rude, stuck up people, you get rejected ALL the time, there are people that are better than you, it’s not a stable lifestyle… SO WHY?
Well, while I was chanting today, I realized how fortunate I am to be mentored by these teachers. Not only am I learning from professionals, but I am essentially auditioning for future productions. In just these three weeks, I learned the basic, MOST crucial tools to be successful but w hat I will take away most from this program is finally discovering why I NEED to act- to become a stronger, more confident person.
You would think graduating from college, going through four years of hell would make me a confident young woman… and while I am, I feel myself rise and toughen up because I am doing something I love. In order to be successful in acting, I have to have the confidence to go to every audition with the determination that I will get the part.
In connection to my practice, I want to be the strongest person I can be to fulfill Dr. Daisaku’s mission for the youth and the world.
It gives me more meaning as to why I need to act. It’s such a rewarding feeling.
What a great day.
My improv teacher is pretty bad ass but I am shit scared of him. Yesterday, we did some improv stuff.. and it was shit hard because everyone was SO scared of fucking up.
Point#1- LET GO. In acting, it has to be organic and you shouldn’t worry about what people think of you.
These games are fucking easy, one of them you have go around in a circle, making a sound at one person, then that person has to say it back to you and then proceed to make their own sound (with a motion to go along with it) at another person and that repeats with a new person. WHY IS THIS SO HARD? Because it’s a mind game! Shit.. I messed up so many times…
Point#2- LET GO OF YOUR MISTAKES. You have to shake it off or else, you will just be hard on yourself… all the fucking time.
Then… we had to do an imagination game with a stick. This stick can be anything (other than a stick) that had a stick like quality, so for example a toothbrush, a lipstick so on….
FINAL POINT- REACT/GO OFF OF YOUR FELLOW ACTORS. Acting is all about reacting off the other person… all of us were so concerned with coming up with a new item to out due one another… but I think my teacher really wanted us to just… get inspired by each other. He was a bit sneaky like that… and I think only a few people really got the point of the exercise.
Before I head for class, I NEED MORE CONFIDENCE AND BE LESS HUMBLE AND MORE SELFISH. Let’s get real, actors are pretty selfish people. I do want to change that image, but I want to just be confident with myself.
POLISH THE INSIDE AND LET GO.
Today in my camera class, we had to do a technique called three camera angle shot… and that was a bit confusing. I literally did a three line scene and I was overwhelmed by the say-the-line-stop-for-the-tally-light-then-say-another-line.
Basically what I learned so far is that the actor’s job is not only to worry about not dropping my lines and staying in character but I also have to remember the EXACT blocking I touch so and so’s shoulder at that lone ine and keep an eye on the tally light (which is the light above the camera to let the actor know that the camera is on) but not really looking at the camera.
After hearing and doing some of these camera exercises, I seriously give SO much credit to any actor who is able to pull off one single episode in three days. Can you believe you have to learn an entire script in a couple of days and KNOW what your character is like?
I would sit for days… hours…months… thinking about my character for a monologue. That’s a paragraph on a single page.
Aside from all that… I don’t mind watching myself on t.v. I kinda look pretty. Okay, I know it sounds conceited but I gotta learn to love myself or else I won’t be able to sell myself. I can critic myself without cringing and I notice a lot of things that I can improve so that can slowly apply that to my acting once I am more comfortable with my lines.
I realllly hate memorizing my lines… but I need to some how. Next week, I need to memorize my Shakespeare monologue, a contemporary monologue, read Three Sisters by Anton Chekov, do some research on that play, practice doing cold readings, and…practicing practicing practicing.
Super stoked for next week :) We get to go over headshots! We will get to meet a professional who is also an actor and knows the business and will be able to give us discounts when we need them. Great, because I need to save as much money as I can.
Well, lots to do this weekend!
I am at a good place in my life. At least I know what I want to do with my life.
For many people… dreaming is just…a dream- something that they will never get to realize.
It is very important to have a dream but it is also important to remember how you felt when you saw your self accomplish that dream.
As much as I hate classes sometimes… I ultimately want to see myself on the stage. That is the best feeling in the world-when you said your last line, took a bow in front of a standing crowd and the curtain closes. That’s what I live for.
But you should also share your dreams with other people because the good people are the ones who are rooting for you to win. You will need all the cheerleaders you can get :)
I also find it rewarding when you help other people accomplish their dreams because it reminds you of your own journey and in return, fill you up with hope and vigor to keep going.
As Journey once sang, “Don’t stop…believing!”
So I have been very inconsistent with my blogging because I am actually afraid of what people on the internet think of me!
PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET? Most of my followers are people I never met. Haha… So why am I so scared? Well for one, I have seen some mean people on Tumblr.
BUT THAT’S ANOTHER STORY.
This summer is all about tearing down the walls and having the courage to take on the acting world head on.
So far so good- got into a prestigious acting class in CA and an acting conservatory in New York which is part of a Broadway Theatre. COOL.
June rolls by and I am into my second week at South Coast Repertory and man has it been a challenge. This is what I have discovered about myself so far:
1. I’m an secure bitch.
2. I suck at first impressions.
3. “Can I act?” is what I keep thinking every five seconds.
4. DO I REALLY WANT TO ACT?
5. I suck at reading, speaking and writing English.
6. The nerves get the best of me.
7. I’m stereotyped into roles that I never want to play like a cheerleader, Mean Girl…etc.
Okay, I might be sounding like a whiney stuck up bitch, but… at least I am realizing this right?
As Tyrion Lannister once said, “ Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor and it can never be used to hurt you.”
Soooo by the end of the summer and before I go to New York I will learn to love my flaws, my weaknesses and everything bad about myself.
I also came to another conclusion, I used to say that the lack of acting experience and training was an excuse I used to tell myself when I held myself back from roles or going out and auditioning. Now that I am getting top grade training, I keep thinking I just suck! But I forgot the freaking purpose of going to south Coast Repertory and Circle in the Square-I want to get better, that’s why I am in school.
I am grateful that my teachers aren’t babying us. Sometimes Soka did that and while I liked that my professors were supporting me, I felt too safe. The acting world is going to eat me alive if I don’t toughen the fuck up.
SO. Grow a thick skin, and believe in myself.
Ready to take this challenge on.